In this election bedtime story, the hardworking, but flawed, queen did not slay the orange dragon with the terrible roar. Instead, the villagers made the dragon their king and banished the queen to a cottage somewhere in Upstate New York. Many parents, caregivers, teachers, especially Clinton supporters, struggle to explain the outcome of the story to children in their care.
Whether you supported Trump or Clinton, the election outcome created many teachable moments. Teachable moments are those unplanned events in everyday life that parents, caregivers and teachers use as teaching opportunities to expand children’s learning. A teachable moment can be about anything. How to order food from a restaurant. Thanking someone for a gift or a compliment. In this article, I talk about using the events surrounding the U.S. Presidential election to help children make ethical choices and be aware of ethics in everyday life.
Ethics are moral principles by which we live.
Ethics are moral principles by which we live. Our values. Standards. Ideas about right and wrong. Ethics are often based on religious philosophy (Judeo-Christian ethics form the basis of many American laws) and are shaped by cultural context. There were many moments, during the campaign and after the election, that might be used to prompt ethical discussion with the children we care for and teach. I discuss 6 ethical concepts below.
These 6 are concerned with promoting peace and accord among people with different points of view, and among people who are in competition with each other. Like in a national election. On the playground. Or at the family dinner table.
1) You can’t change the rules because you lost
Clinton got the popular vote, but according to the Electoral College, a process in place since the 18th century, Trump gained the 270 majority electoral votes required to elect the President. Many who didn’t support Trump cried foul. The Electoral College is rigged. It should be abolished. He’s unfit to serve. Would those who hold these views say the same if the election outcome was in their favor? I don’t think so.
Let kids know that rules established before play remain in place despite the outcome of play. Period.
And there’s another dimension to this too. The rule of law. In the U.S. the rule of law is the concept that everyone must follow the laws of the country. The Constitution is the Supreme Law of the land. Rules about how the government is formed are carefully laid out in the Constitution. Once you live in the territory, citizen or not, you must follow these rules even if you don’t agree with them.
The Constitution also includes rules to follow if you don’t agree with the rules. Citizens can join groups, contact their elected officials and agitate to change these rules. Put another way, there are mechanisms in place to abolish or amend the Electoral College process, if citizens so desire.
2) Argue but don’t quarrel
This election has had a polarizing effect on American society. It’s us against them in almost every facet of American (and possibly global) life. So since we are going to argue, let’s teach those we care about how to do it right.
The goal of any verbal exchange, especially an argument, is to add to your own thinking or learn something.
The goal of any verbal exchange, especially an argument, is to add to your own thinking or learn something. If your goal is to win or to change the other person’s mind, you’ll have a quarrel. Here are some tips for good arguing:
- Listen carefully and repeat the other person’s main ideas so that they know you heard them.
- Don’t shout. It puts people on the defensive and they’ll probably stop listening to you.
- Know your facts. Talk about what you actually know (read about from a reputable source, a trend that can be supported by facts, personal experience). Don’t spout click-bait facts or stuff you heard others talking about unless you’ve checked it out yourself.
- Don’t state your point of view at the beginning as though it were an inalienable fact. Doing so doesn’t leave any room for discussion.
- Body language starts more quarrels than words. Things like folding your arms across your chest (translate- I have put up a shield so that your words can’t penetrate), pointing, making fists, pounding the table and kissing your teeth turns arguments into quarrels. Try an open posture with your arms in a non-threatening position. Look the person in the eye while they’re talking. At the end thank them and say something like, “It was nice talking to you.” Or “You made some nice points.”
3) Respect the choices and viewpoints of others
Better yet, encourage our young people to ask those with opposing views why they made the choices they did or why they hold particular views. Guide kids to attempt to understand another person, to see an issue from another point of view. You can understand and still not agree with a person’s reasons. But know that, without a doubt, each person feels as strongly about his/her choice as you do about yours.
People make choices based on values, ethics, the preferences of close family members, religious affiliation or based on the mood they were in just before they made a choice. In the U.S. people have a right to make choices. It is a fundamental part of a democratic, pluralistic society.
4) Be a gracious loser
For children, and parents/caregivers cheering from the sidelines, losing can be catastrophic. Some scream and cry (the kids too). But it’s normal to be totally disappointed when you lose. If you didn’t feel disappointment or sadness, you wouldn’t be a human being. Our instincts tell us to quickly flee the scene of a loss and go home where we can curl into a ball and eat a gallon of ice cream. Resist this instinct.
Guide kids to attempt to understand another person, to see an issue from another point of view.
Instead, don’t say anything negative or hurtful to the winner. Be the first to congratulate him or her. Shake the winner’s hand or hug him/her if it’s appropriate. I know it’s difficult, but it takes 1 minute to say, “Congratulations, you did a great job,” and shake a hand. And you can do almost anything for 1 minute. Losing is a part of life and being a good loser is one of the best preparations we can give our children to be respectful, honorable adults.
5) Be a gracious winner
It’s much harder to be a gracious winner than a gracious loser. You have to enjoy the win, and at the same time, not appear superior or arrogant. Similar to being a gracious loser, a gracious winner doesn’t say anything negative or hurtful to the loser. No jeering. Be the first to shake the loser’s hand. Thank him/her for a great game, contest, election… whatever. Most of all, be humble. Not just because you may one day be the loser, but because it is the honorable and respectful thing to do.
6) Treat all people with honor and respect
Since the election, there has been an uptick in anti-immigrant, anti-LGBTQ, and anti-black incidents. Most of these incidents occurred in elementary, middle, high schools, and ranged from name calling and offensive fliers and graffiti to physical violence.
Yes. Hateful remarks made by our leaders help legitimize hate within a society. Some have even labelled the public airing of insults and bigotry as ‘an end to political correctness,’ a ‘good thing.’ Perhaps it is these things. Hateful, violent, bigoted talks and acts do not promote peace and accord within a community, within a country. Hateful, violent, bigoted talks and acts destroy communities. Destroy countries.
Work for change within the confines of the law, with a clear sense of ethics and values that benefit the good of all people.
As I write this, president-elect Donald Trump is putting together his Cabinet and filling key roles in his administration. Many are aghast at his choices and others are happy with them. Indeed, these are alarming times on all sides. We can choose to be buoyed by fear and incendiary speculation. Or we can wait to see what the new government looks like. And if we find that values and ethics aimed at peace within our democratic pluralistic society are fading. If we find that values and ethics once understood as good and beautiful have lost their sway then let us work for change. Work for change within the confines of the law, with a clear sense of ethics and values that benefit the good of all people.
I’m sure you can think of lots of other ethical teaching moments from the elections. I’d love to hear them below.
